It was 5 in the evening and I was about to leave my office . “Pop pop ” my iPhone made a sound , i received an email. The wedding card of Gargi kanwar, my college friend .
Next day.
It was still dawn when I stepped out of the cab and walked towards the entry gate of the Delhi airport. The early morning February air was pleasantly cold.
I was travelling to Bengaluru to attend a college friend’s wedding. It had been four years since we graduated from the same college. This wedding was also going to be a reunion of our batchmates. But what I didn’t know was that the reunion would begin much ahead of time; right in the queue in front of the airline counter.
I was almost sure it was she. Same height! Same long hair! Same complexion! Curiosity had my eyes glued to her. And then about 60-odd seconds later, when she turned, she proved me right. My ex-girlfriend stood two places ahead of me in that queue. We had never met after the college farewell.
She tuned around and looked at me , we had an eye contact , she ignored and went ahead.
I entered the plane .
“Welcome on board Sir ” greeted air hostess.
I asked for the seat . ‘Windows seat sir’.
Satakshi’s seat was one ahead of mine . I was a bit hesitant in initiating the talk . Relationships and breakups are not rare.
Satakshi and I were in relationship for 4 year. While in our MBBS years she wanted to become a paediatrician and I orthopaedic surgeon .It was my stupidity that we got separated .
5 years ago ……..
Satakshi : How can you leave me like this? What about all the promises you made me, love?”
I: “Promises are meant to be broken, remember? I was a different person when I made them. And, I wanted to keep those promises more for my sake than for yours. By promising you an eternity, I had promised myself an eternity of happiness. But, I have changed. I cannot make any more promises I might break. I am sorry for everything. Please forgive me, if you can.”
Satakshi :”Everything? This isn’t everything! Not even close. My heart still hasn’t stopped beating. I don’t want us to end like this. I can deal with you not keeping your promises, but not with you leaving. Keep making me more promises even if you can’t keep them. And, every time you will break one, I can get one step closer to either breaking my heart or turning it as cold as yours. Perhaps, then, I might understand you better or realise that I can never understand you & make my peace with it. But, this isn’t over. It cannot end until I do.”
I: “Are you crazy? I don’t want to kill you!”
Satakshi : “What makes you think I can live without you?”
I: “This isn’t working, sweetheart! I love you & always will, but you have to acknowledge the fact that, perhaps, we’re not meant for each other.”
Satakshi : “That’s bullshit. Do you love anyone else?”
I: “No. It’s just me & my chaotic mind.”
Satakshi: “Then stay. Let me untangle your mind. And, when you find the one meant for you, I promise you, I’ll let you go. I hope he’s someone who understands when to love you & when to stop. Someone who knows when to hold you, when to just let you be & when to let go. I’m sorry that I didn’t. I hope you find someone who can love you better.”
I: “Nobody can love me better! Don’t you get it? I don’t need love. I have never been loved & it stopped mattering to me long ago. And now, it makes no difference whether someone loves me or not. But, that is not how it should be, love! You deserve someone who can appreciate your love & all that you have to offer.”
Satakshi: “Hey, nobody deserves to break my heart more than you do. So, don’t you dare insult my choice!”
I: “Oh! You still want to defend it?”
Satakshi: “Always. You may have lost faith in yourself, but I haven’t. I will always believe in you & my love. And, I will always choose you.”
I: “Wow! I don’t know whether I should applaud your love or laugh at your foolishness.”
Satakshi:Neither. Just come back, love. Keep making me those false promises. Keep telling me those sweet lies. One day, you will either fulfill those promises or bury them along with my heart. One day, I will learn to give up. And, that will be the end, my love.”
We never talk after that incident. I remember she wore blue saree in our farewell party, blue my favourite.
“We are about to land , tie up your seat belts ” announced the flight attendant.
I steeped out of the plane , ” Hey Dr satakshi ” I finally said.
Satakshi: Hi .
Remember I’m Dr. Keshav . Long time Han ! , I asked.
Satakshi: oh ya . So you too going to Gargi’s marriage.
I : yup.
We boarded a cab from kampagora international airport bengluru and headed to the venue of Gargi’s marriage.
We reached the venue .Gargi received us and was dumbstruck by seeing us together.
Gargi: welcome , good to see you together.
Suddenly Vikram and Nitin came , my close buddies and hugged me tightly.
Vikram: I always admire both of you as a couple. But prudent Han , didn’t tell me either. I always wanted to see both of you together.
I was wordless . I blushed. “Excuse us for a while “. I said .
Vikram:” Ya sure . But join me for the drinks .”
“I had no idea this gonna happen.” I said .
Satakshi: Its ok . No issues.
I: So you married ?
Satakshi: Ya . For two years. He is an officer in merchant Navy . Every year we spend two months vacations . He is very caring . Iam very lucky that I got him .
She started telling me about her husband. I had never seen her that much happier.
I wanted to tell her ‘Love please come back to my life’ but couldn’t .
“I have a six months old daughter ” she said .
To me those words seemed like the final nail in the coffin .
“Are you married she said” . “No …….. . ”
” I should join Vikram for the drinks ” I said.
Satakshi : so you started drinking !!!.
“I have changed a lot .Excuse me.” I said and left.
” Vikram Prepare a drink for me .” I said.
Vikram: Apple cider wine , your favourite.
“Thanks “, I said.
I lost. I lost her love. Probably I couldn’t get anyone like her. I wanted to her how desperately I need her back in my life . But she is happier now, may be I couldn’t make her that much happier.
She is happy. And I’m happy for her .
I have no regrets.
~ © Keshav Prasar Sharma , 2016 |
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